Saturday, October 01, 2005

since i've been a good girl today
(i.e. studying for my SAT subject tests and worrying about my future)

i'm going to allow myself to write yet another entry.

the only weird and unknown fact about me is my obsessiveness with my (ex)-boyfriends. my girl friends never knew how clingy i am because i don't like to discuss my dates/love life with them. lately i've read the book "front row" the biography of anna wintour. it was a really entertaining read and it actually inspired me to be a colder person like wintour. (this is so going to offend the writer, who has done so much research on a cold, hard bitch, wrote 377-page long book about her and ends up having a 16-year-old reader claiming to want to be like her.) maybe i should start being the one in control. dating-wise.

today i felt like reading some "trashy" books and so i bought the book "jemima j." by jane green. i've finished 1/7 of it by now and it is, i have to admit, not that bad. like most "chick lits" it talks about "the dating game", of course, and how men love the chase. yes. that's it. why have i never reminded myself of that when i was with elek? the more i clinged on to him the less he found me attractive. deep down i knew but i could never help it. but i've promised myself to be a new person when dealing with guys from now on. and i actually am keeping the promise. today i refrained myself from calling a guy even when he gave me his number and asked me to call him. that's a really big step to recovery from clingliness. yay. applaud for me. i shall never, never, never take any initiative until i actually go out with a guy. i won't be too much of a tease because, humph, guys don't like it when a girl goes overboardly teasing either. i hate playing games. but well i love men and i have to obey the rules if i want them, right?

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